Chip Tsao satire sparking a controversy

Looks like the War at Home satire of Chip Tsao of HK Magazine has put him in the center of a raging controversy. We are posting the article in its entirety so you can see for yourself and be the judge:

The War At Home

March 27th, 2009

The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.

Chip Tsao is a best-selling author and columnist. A former reporter for the BBC, his columns have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine and CUP Magazine, among others.

Now, now Mr. Tsao I hope you realize that you may have started a war of “attrition” which you may end up losing. First off, while Louisa moonlights as your international politics consultant (unpaid of course) you have to make sure that the food she serves you does not taste a little strange.

The word gets around really fast and in Hong Kong Filipinos are not just confined in the households but they are also found in restaurants and eateries serving you food, again you may wonder why your food taste funny.

Chip worries about the threat from the Philippine Congress but it is probably greater from within because gunboats may strain the pork barrel allocation of congress people and besides they are busy trying to figure out how to sneak in charter change. If ever the gunboats materialize it probably will come in the form of Kumpit (a small motorized fishing boat normally used by smugglers and Abu Sayaf kidnappers) after it goes through the red tape and bidding collusion and of course cuts straight to the pockets of several politicians and bureaucrats.

Consider this also, HK people are now so used to having their maids and nannies who are mostly highly educated and don’t be surprised when your children’s grades went downhill because of the controversy that you started. So you see Chip, you actually will have to be nice and urge your fellow HK Middle and upper class nationalist to give their domestic help salary increase or eat funny tasting food and children’s failing grades.

On another note it seems Chip Tsao has the uncanny ability to attract controversy that incites errr provokes not just Filipinos but western men or the Caucasians as well. To his credit his racial brand of sarcastic humor does not target any particular race but his own as well, which is more politically incorrect than anything else. Hong Kong is where you find people of diverse origin or race and yet there is no racial tension and thus he can get away with jokes that are deemed offensive by those who felt to be at the receiving end of a bad joke.

Proceed to this updated article Chip Tsao & War at Home Satire, an Opportunity for Philippine Political Cheapies to Jump the Bandwagon or Chip Tsao Apologized, What Now?

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